S-O-O-O-O I HAVE DRAFTED A LETTER TO SEND BACK:
Thank you
for your 5-page Christmas newsletter. Glad 2014 was a good year for you.
Unfortunately, my business adventures have not
turned out very well.
For example---I formed the first International Vertically
Challenged Water Polo League and before the first quarter was over the whole
league went under!
I responded
to a handwritten ad on a Macon, GA all-night laundry mat bulletin board and
purchased a race horse sight unseen. I drove all night to Lexington, KY and
discovered the hay burner only had three legs. I should have suspected
something was not right when I was on the phone and was told the nag was named
Tripod.
My plan to
race school buses on a Figure 8 track was halted just as the green flag was to
wave. Twenty cop cars hit the track and arrested me for public endangerment. My
pleas to the judge went unheeded. I argued that the chances of the forty school
kids on each bus of being T-Boned from both sides of the bus during the 10 lap
race were remote. Lost all of my buses and spent 150 days as a guest of the county.
I bought a
used Air Force 13 aircraft that belonged to the Vice President on eBay. How was
I to know it was a glider?
Seems like I
get stiffed every time. My house was overrun with mice. I found an
Econo-Exterminator (Fastest-Cheapest Service In Town) in the Yellow Pages.
Fifteen minutes later a guy on a bicycle shows up holding a ball peen hammer
and a paper sack!
I was
standing in line at the Salvation Army for a free Thanksgiving turkey and the
guy ahead of me got the last one. I did take home the worst case of head lice I
have had in the past three years.
Just last
week I was bitten by a rabid squirrel. We were fighting over a half-eaten
pecan. I got the pecan, a tetanus shot, plus three stitches AND LOTS OF SHOTS IN THE STOMACH.
Perhaps 2015 will be better. I’ll write a longer letter next Christmas!
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