DRAGNET II
(The Lost Episode)
The case of the missing pork chops
(Voice over by Joe as camera switches from exterior shot of Parker Police Hqs Building to a small inside office with a desk, two chairs and a phone)
“My partner Frank and I were working Special Assignments in the Missing Food Division. My name is Friday and I am a cop.”
Frank: “What did you do last night Joe?”
Joe: “Usual. TV dinner. Watched news and went to bed.”
Frank: “Joe, you really need to get a social life and get out and enjoy yourself. All work and no play makes Joe a dull cop.”
Joe: “You learn that in the Academy?”
Frank: “Take it easy Joe. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
Joe: “I am a cop 24/7. What did you do Mr. Party Man?”
Frank: “I took that hot receptionist in homicide to a ritzy restaurant and I didn’t get home until around 3am.”
Joe: “You can’t keep that up and be a good…..
(Phone rings interrupting Joe. Camera shows Joe talking on the phone and taking notes. Joe hangs up and Frank asks)
Frank: “We got a hot one Joe?”
Joe: “It’s a follow-up to a 702 called in last night.”
Frank: “What’s a 702?”
Joe: “How long have we been partners?”
Frank: “Almost 12 good years Joe.”
Joe: “I sometimes wonder if you have been awake those 12 years.”
Frank: “Don’t get testy Joe. I just asked what a 702 is, that’s all.”
Joe (From Memory) “Frank, on page 40, paragraph 3, subsection A, a 702 is defined as Missing Pork Chops.”
Frank: “ I am glad you are my partner.”
Joe: “Me too. Make sure your weapon is fully loaded, let’s roll.”
(Camera fades to black---Roll Commercial Number 1)
(Action resumes with camera shot of Joe and Frank departing from their Black and White at the victim’s location.)
Frank: “You said on the way over we are asking some questions that the night officer who took the call may have missed.”
Joe: “Your listening is improving.”
(Victim greets Joe and Frank and Victim speaks.)
Victim: “I wasn’t here last night when all of this big time criminal stuff went down. We normally don’t get no trouble because all of the cops that eat here…. (Interrupted by Joe)
Joe: “Just the facts sir, just the facts.”
Victim: “Sorry, I guess I watch too many cop shows on TV.”
Joe: “Don’t we all. What happened?”
Victim: “Our night shift manager put in his shift log that around 11:30pm the lights mysteriously went out and a scream was heard from the kitchen.”
Joe: “Go on.”
Victim: “When the lights came on the chef was coming to and five prime pork chops were missing from the grill.”
Joe: “That all?”
Victim: “Yeah, that’s what happened. Hey, could I ride a block or two in the Black and White and blow the siren?”
Joe: “Mister, you are one dumb civilian. That’s a violation of city, state, and federal statutes.”
Victim: (Voice rising) “You got a card? I am going to file a compliant with your chief about your curt, nasty behavior.”
Joe: “Be my guest. I hope you can file a better compliant than you can police report!”
(Camera shows Joe and Frank riding back to the office---fade to black—Commercial Number 2)
(Action resumes with Frank and Joe in the office, Frank speaks)
Frank: “Joe, got any idea where we start?”
Joe: “Not at the moment. Let’s break for lunch.”
(Frank opens large lunch sack and Joe opens desk and removes the latest copy of the Police Gazette)
Frank: “Joe, want part of my lunch? I brought 3 large pork chops. You want one?”
Joe: “Frank, You have the right to remain silent….
(Narrator speaks: Camera shows sad Frank wiping face with a napkin. Joe puts the cuffs on Frank "A trial was held that afternoon in the Superior Court of Los Angles and Frank was charged with Grand Pork Chop Larceny. In a moment the results of that trial.")
(Camera fades to black—Commercial Number 3
(Narrator speaks: "Frank adamantly maintained his innocence but was found guilty, fired from the force and sentenced to 3 years of hard labor at the State Prison Hog Farm.")
(Instead of normal shot of hammer making Mark VII logo show a smiling Joe entering his apartment, removing his coat and weapon and opening his refrigerator and removing five fully grilled pork chops!!!)
----Glenn C. Peck, 7-16-11
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