10 Rules That Every Married Man Should Follow, Esp. If He shops Alone at Wal-Marts

1. Never, never, mention a shapely woman you observed at Wal-Marts. (Might as well buy yourself a bus ticket to anyplace---you  are a Dead Man Walking !The truth can sometimes get you in trouble!!!)

2. If you fail to bring home her favorite candy---tell her you heard on the radio that all of Hersey, PA was hit with seven inches of rain and an earthquake that measured 11.2 .  May not be any candy for months, years, or forever. 

3. If you forget an item on the list, just say Wal-Marts only had the item in small containers and since her divorced sister and her 9 kids were coming to spend the summer with us, you thought it best to wait until the Super Duper Reunion package came out. Remind her nephew Josh won the hot dog eating contest at the Fair.

4. The reason you didn't get the oil changed and new tires put on her car was Wal-Marts is the major sponsor of local dirt track racing every Saturday night and the big truck from Bentonville burned at an all night truck stop while the driver was getting a full body tattoo!. Police think there was some bad wiring in the CB radio.

5. Mentioning anything you saw on sale at Wal-Marts and did not bring it home means one thing: Grab the quilt and that 30 year old pillow and head for the couch. 

6. Mentioning seeing an old girl friend at Wal-Marts without telling your wife that the old flame looked both is another Walk The Plank moment.

7. That red smudge on your collar was when you rescued the 97- year old door Greeter from the hands of two bad guys who used a sack of  Mickey Dees BBQ sauce  as a fake explosive. One package blew up and you got hit with it as a result. EMT guys say you need to stay home for a couple of days. When that BBQ exploded, our happy home flashed before my eyes. Where's That Shout Out???

8. The $400 you lost at the Casino was really the money you gave to some homeless children selling paper roses in front of Wal-Marts. Here honey use my hanky.

9.  You saw one of her old enemies in school who looked 20 instead of near 50. If you talk in your sleep better have this line ready: Yea, it's a shame how some people just let themselves go.

10. You got kicked in the mouth by the new Wal-Marts SM, but you saved the three teeth she took out. How were you to know who she was and that she looked like last year's Miss America. The spin around kick to the choppers was when you asked her about her night job. You tell your wife you got kicked in the mouth by a coin-operated riding horse. You stooped down to find a crying child' lost quarter and whamo the lights go out! 

GLENN <><
JUST WEST OF YESTERDAY