NOT A NORMAL HALLOWEEN

NOT A NORMAL HALLOWEEN

                                                                     (Well, it could happen!)

Maybe Halloween imitates life. Maybe life imitates Halloween. Either way this past Halloween was one that I hope I can forget.

 Just before it got flashlight dark a sweet looking mother came to the door with a baby in her arms. The infant was completely warped in a tattered blue blanket. Mom seemed to have dried tears on her cheeks. I knew something was really wrong when she said, “Forget the candy Dude. I need some real folding money to pay my overdue rent.” With a broken heart, I gave her all of the greenbacks in my wallet: About 42 bucks. She grabbed it and stuffed it into her bra and took off at a fast pace. She carried the baby under her left arm like a football. The wind was blowing toward me and I heard her yell to the man driving their late model Escalade, “Let’s roll; these bleeding heart Prairie Rubes are easy money. A couple more houses and we can party tonight!” The 42 bucks did not concern me as much as the precious baby she was carrying. I called 911 and reported the incident and was told the con artists were from New York and had beaten city residents like a rented mule for the past two nights. I gave a description of the woman, the wrapped infant, and high dollar set of wheels. The operator said all black and whites were serving as safety patrols in the low income portion of our city. She warned me to be on the lookout for some teenage boys dressed as gangbangers who were terrorizing older citizens in my subdivision.

I just got settled down when the doorbell rang and rang and rang! Opening the door with considerable fear and trepidation, there stood four older teenagers and one was carrying a pillow case. Before I could close the door, the biggest one put his foot in the door jam. One pushed a button on his smart phone, a hip-hop instrumental started and the quartet of wannabe gangbangers broke into song, “We don’t want no sweet candy—We wants all yo tools that’s handy,---Give us yo crowbar and a yo drills----Hurry up sucker we knows how to kills!” I felt something warm running down my left leg and the biggest one pointed at my darkening tan Dockers and start laughing. “Homies, this old dude is the best one yet. Let’s roll!” Before calling 911, I hurried into the house and changed my clothes.

As I hurried back to the living room, I discovered I had left the front door open. When I started closing it, I was shocked to see two of the neighbor’s pit bulldogs running down my driveway. One had my sack of Reese’s Mini-Cups and the other was locked on to my sack of KitKats’. I chased them down the street but quickly gave up and returned to my seemingly haunted Halloween house. In disgust, I turned off the porch light, locked the front door, got in my undervalued, high mileage, 2007 Dodge Mini-Van and drove to the local Chinese Restaurant. At least there I could enjoy my favorite meal---Peking Duck.

Glenn <><

Just West of Yesterday