Just in case you are wondering how we
are doing, here’s a short run down.
Our summer got
off to a very bad start.
The cow went
dry; and an egg-sucking snake cleaned out the hen house; and the Watkins man
refuses to give us any more credit.
My lab tests
came back and the doctor says they showed I should not buy anymore green
bananas. I don’t know why he would say that.
Two men,
dressed in black with very dark sunglasses, sold me a million dollar insurance policy for
disasters caused by the approach of that planet Nibiru. I didn’t tell them my
check was only valid on Nibiru.
One of the
Gypsy barn roof painters fell off the roof and has sued me because I didn’t
provide a safe working environment. To make matters worse, the first rain
washed all of the paint off.
I got all
excited about horse racing after watching the KY Debry. I answered a Craig’s
List ad and purchased a sure fire winner sight unseen named Tripod.
Can’t wait until he gets here from Nigeria.
I bought one
of those “As Seen On TV” thin wallets at Walgreen’s. Before I left the store a
pick pocket lifted it from me. The police said those skinny wallets are easy
pickings for “Dips”---that’s what they call pick pockets.
Went to
Wal-Mart the other day and there in the parking lot I was rolled by a
disorderly band of undisciplined youth.
I thought I was making some progress trying to talk them out of a life
of crime and violence until I was struck by the apparent ring leader. His
weapon of choice was his son’s birthday piñata containing an anvil. Doctor says
the jaw wires will come off in three months. My advice: Buy all of the Aleve
stock you can.
I really
fooled the CDC mobile research team. They gave me two bucks to stick my hand
into this pillow case looking thing containing 3,000 Zika-carrying mosquitos.
Those guys are not too smart----I’m a guy that is not even pregnant!
Our TV went
out last week. Come to find out it was that acne- covered, alternative school dropout,
wild son of our neighbor’s. He stole our satellite dish to take to a carry-in
dinner for all of the clients of his case worker.
My bank had
a big outdoor BBQ last month on the bank’s lawn. The big event was to say
thanks to current account holders and to open some new accounts. All of the
employees of the bank----except Homer, the bank janitor---were on the lawn
having a big time with all of us. While everyone was eating and playing
Blindfolded Lawn Darts the bank safe was clean out---bare as grandma’s cookie
jar. The police and federal investigators have no clues. On Monday morning, a
lady with a foreign accent called the bank and said Homer had taken ill and his
return was unknown.
Maybe the
best news of all happened last week. While we were attending the annual 4-wheel
drive, off-road, solar-powered Shriners Clown Car Show, the Publisher’s
Clearing House came to our house. The neighbors say they had balloons, cameras,
and a super-large card board check. And can you believe it these nice people
left us a handwritten note:
“Sorry we missed you. Please enter again
next year.”
In one day
we attended a great one-of-a-kind car show and got a personal note from some
very nice people. Life is good!
So you can
see things are really starting to look up around here.
I’ve saved the best news for last: We got a nice picture postcard from
Homer and it was covered with funny looking stamps with a language on them that
no one can read. He has completely recovered and says he is having a wonderful
time and will be a new father in November. Seems like things are getting better
for everybody!
GLENN <><
JUST WEST OF YESTERDAY
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